Thursday, September 10, 2009

Pissy-Pissy!

Did you read the title right?

Yeah you did. It says "pissy-pissy!". At one point in my life, that was my nick name.

For the few of you who have no idea what pissy-pissy means, that's what you call a chronic bed-wetter.

There was nothing my parents didn't do to deal with this "issue" of their daughter's.

At one time, they said, no drinking of water after 6pm. They were strict about it and if I so much as looked at a glass longingly, I was in trouble.
It didn't work.

At another time, my mom made herself my personal 'peeing-guard'. She'd come to my room and wake me up at least 3 times every night.

It worked a bit but by the third day, I'd have already wet the bed before she got there to take me to the bathroom. And I'd be standing there all drenched in my own urine while my mom dutifully took off my soiled night clothes and changed them. She'd then change the soiled beddings to clean dry ones. Chances are that by morning I'd have soiled those too! Till date, I'm amazed at her patience!

The next thing was my aunties' threatening to go traaditional with me. They told me that back in the village, little boys and girls who wet their beds at
night had snakes and lizards tied around their waists. They swore that it worked wonders and that those children never again wet their beds. I took them seriously and out of fear, I think I actually did not wet the bed for at least a week at a stretch!

But that was as long as it lasted.

Finally, after being "pissy-pissy" for the first 7 years of my life, my parents took me to see a doctor.They were convinced I had a weak bladder. Yet the test results came in and pronounced my 'equipment' in perfect working condition. They put it down to psychological issues.
They asked me all sorts of questions -

Do you always dream that you're pissing in your dream? No.
Do you always feel pressed while you're asleep? No.
All my answers didn't bring them any closer to solving my bed-wetting puzzle. The truth is that I'm not even aware of pissing in bed until I wake up and find my clothes wet. The doctor decided to study my 'pissing'patterns. My parents were to fill in a chart of what I ate each day and to state whether or not I wet the bed each night. I still don't know what became of that study.
Needless to say, I remained pissy-pissy till I was eleven.

While I was busy being excited at the prospect of traveling more than 700km to start boarding school somewhere in the northern part of Nigeria, my mother was worrying herself sick about my 'pissing' issues.
My parents went on a shopping spree and bought us all kinds of stuff to go to school with (my sister and I were admitted the same year into different schools), needless to say that half of the stuff were termed 'contraband' at the school gate and taken away for 'safe-keeping'. But that story is for another day.

The night before I was to leave, my mother pulled me aside and explained to me the exact manner in which I was to make my bed in order to minimize bladder 'accidents'. She'd packed into my box this linoleum spread that we generally referred to as 'mackintosh' way back then.
The way she looked at me with a plea in her eyes almost made me feel sorry for myself. And maybe I did, for about five seconds or so.
I threw my arms around her neck and gave her a huge hug, assuring her that she had nothing to worry about. And I had reason to feel somewhat confident. The frequency of my peeing had gone from three times each night to once every night to once every other night. If you were in my shoes, you'd see that as enough reason to be quite smug.

That trip was one of my most memorable trips. For the first time, I caught a glimpse of just how large and beautiful this great country was. My entire young life up until that point had been confined to the streets and avenues of FESTAC town and a few other parts of Lagos. All the other states of Nigeria were mere pictures of lines and dots on a map.

I arrived the school in that awestruck mood, ready for whatever my new life held in store for me. In a few hours after arriving, I was shown my bed space and locker. I had never had the 'luxury' of sleeping on a metal bunk and I felt quite accomplished after several failed
attempts at climbing onto the top bunk finally yielded success. It was a spectacle to behold. Every conceivable part of my body was involved in the climbing exercise - arms, feet, chin, chest, abdomen...I'm sure you get the picture. As they say, practice makes perfect. By the time it was nightfall, I'd mastered the climbing art quite some. And I fell asleep with a smile on my face. It was my first night in boarding school.

I wish I could explain to you the shock with which I landed on the floor from that height. All my 'de-bunking' skills promptly forgotten, I must have flown off the bed. I was confused. Several voices were barking at me all at the same time and hands were pulling me here and there. I couldn't for the life of me fathom where I was. And all these faces....I panicked! My first thought was to find the nearest exit out of the place or better still, wake up from this really bad dream. And then suddenly, it hit me! Oh! This was school! It all started coming back to me slowly....moving my stuff into the room; placing my toiletories and provisions in my locker; making my bed; practicing climbing onto and climbing down from my top bunk... Twai! A slap across my face hastened the recollection process. I held my left cheek in my left hand and locked eyes with senior Kanayo. Suddenly, I knew exactly what had happened.

I had wet the bed and it had dripped all over her from my bed to hers on the bottom bunk. In all my excitement, I had forgotten to spread the mackintosh beneath my bedsheets.

Several seniors had gathered to commiserate with senior Kanayo and after some deliberation, they all decided that I was to be pardoned seeing as I was a new student and they 'understood' that sleeping in a strange bed could do 'strange' things to anyone.
After several weeks however, it became clear that my pissing in bed wasn't so strange after all as it had become a nightly event. Even though I never again rained piss on senior Kanayo, the stench of fermented adult piss that emanated from my bed could not be mistaken. The name "pissy-pissy" was becoming synonymous with the name Enkay.

By the time we were half way through the first term, my mackintosh was in tatters from being spread in the sun hours on end. My regular bedsheets were gradually becoming thread bare from being washed every other day and my mattress was slowly becoming non-existent. Let me explain that part about becoming non-existent.

My smelly mattress was not allowed to stay in the room - for obvious reasons of course. Every morning, before I left for class, I had to spread it on the front lawn. I was only allowed to bring it in after supper, just before bed time. One of those days, while I struggled to take my mattress into the room, it got caught in shards of glass from broken louvers in a window. That was the first of several tears that had my mattress-cover ripped to shreds exposing only the foam underneath.

It wasn't really a problem at first until I returned to the hostel one day to find a fist-sized chunk of my mattress missing. A fist-sized chunk didn't matter especially when it was at the bottom but it started to matter when the missing chunks increased in size and frequency.
You see, the floors of the apartments in the hostels had to be mopped every morning and the 'mops' were usually chunks of foam and guess where those foams came from? Unsuspecting exposed mattresses such as mine!

Soon, my mattress became the 'mop' target. Every single day, a piece went away to become a mop and my mattress steadily dwindled. By mid-term, the length of my mattress was just a little longer than an average pillow. It no longer qualified to be called a mattress.

One day, just before I left for class I took out my 'mattress', dropped it on the front lawn and silently said good bye to it. It was as though I knew I would never see it again 'cos that afternoon, it rained and my mattress was flooded. There was no hope of recovery.
When night fell, I stood by my empty bunk and watched as everyone snuggled under their blankets and settled in for the night. I was probably going to stand all night.

I had to overcome my 'pissing' problem. You'll see how in my next post!

54 comments:

Anonymous said...

Tried posting a comment earlier but I couldn't. Let me see if this works and I'll be back!

posekyere said...

Very brave of you to do a post concerning a difficult past.
Good to see your dorm mates had understanding of the issue and helped you to manage it.

Olufunke said...

Oh Enkay! OMG!
You want to rip my ribs apart?
Very interesting and funny post, you just know how to tell a good story!
I enjoyed reading all through, and its nice to see you write humourously about a very disturbing past.

I could not help imagining little Emkay in the boarding house, confused, embarrassed and always having to 'drag' her smelly mattress out to dry every morning while other students were doing some more 'dignifying' things!

I particularly liked the part that "I took out my 'mattress', dropped it on the front lawn and silently said good bye to it"

Dont worry dear, we would try not to name you pissy-Enkay 'wink'

Nice one!
Pissy-pissy.................

doll said...

i'l be watching to see how...i used to bedwet too but luckily stopped before i went to boarding house at age 9

Rita said...

Enkay! After taking us thus far, you leave us in suspense. It is nice you are having a laugh about it. I am sure when you were younger, it was not funny. Looking forward to ur next post. Came to this blog to beg you to update.

By the way, the link to In Memorial is up. You couldnt see it because of font colour.

Original Mgbeke said...

OMG! Enkay I absolutely LOVE you. You never fail to take me back with the memories. LMAOOO I just hung out with some of my feddy girls and we were gistng about how we used to tear mattresses to mop the floor. This is tooo funny. Chai, Pissy pissy it really must not have been a good rep but you lived to tell the story...abeg no keep us waiting too long o. :-D

The Girl with the Red Hair said...

LWKMD!!!
My ribs hurt from laughing, this is really brave oh.

I used to bed wet too but not this much oh

HYAW said...

WOW!, you finally updated. i tried dropping a comment yesterday but it was totally impossible.

totally honest post, it makes me think of few years back in boarding school. then we knew bed wetters as 'members of the ministry of togology'. And there were many who would re-baptise there bunk partners each night and get beaten in the morning.
Isn't it brave to agree you were one of them 'John the baptists'

Thank God growing up happens. i'd still like to know how you outgrew it.

sunnyside said...

Wow interesting and funny story, kinda got me thinking abt those days back in dorm sch. . "Pissy pissy" lol
very funny, i got a funny name 2 'sleepy sleepy' if u put it that way.

Sassy Trends said...

hahahahaahahha... you ehn...
Now jokes apart, im eagerly lukn forward to your next post enkay....

Gee said...

kai...i was sposed to be the first o...but for some reason it wont let me comment..
so ok, i settle for the 10th..!
missy pissy...dont worry, nor be only u o....i was sooooo once the pissy-pissy of my own house..kai, nd i would wake up nd clean up in the middle of the nite...as if they dint still catch me.
lol!!

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

oh my... will return for the conclusion.

Hope all is well.

Geebee said...

Hmmm, memories of the ‘good old days.’ Thankfully, I wasn’t ‘pissy-pissy’ (lol) but I sure had my own share of bedwetting too especially till age seven or thereabout. Then I did again like twice in secondary school (FGC idoani). Your case reminds me of a friend of mine who did till we left school after six years. Such stuff happens sha. Looking forward to the next post. Gurl, you took a good while dropping a post since the last. Welcome back!

Good Naija Girl said...

What a story so far...I can't wait to see how it ends. I feel sorry for you, but I'm happy that you seem to have not felt a lot of shame and sadness because of it. I hope your dorm mates weren't too nasty.

(Even as I laughed through reading this, I still felt bad for you!)

Enkay said...

I'm sorry guys that I was gone for a while but y'all saw my foot-prints all over blogville. No?

I stalked blogs and commented on a lot of them but just couldn't get my self to put up a post.

Soooo....didn't anyone notice I changed my blog background? Darn! I thot it was so fab that it wouldn't go unnoticed.

Okay pple! lol! I can take a hint! hehehehe!

Thanks for all the love!

Enkay said...

@ Anonymous - Pele o! Blogger was acting up but it got fixed.

@ Posekyere - More like they forced me to get over it. Lol! Putting up the post required no bravery at all, happened so long ago that in hindsight it's funny!

@ Olufunke - Thanks for the compliment! Those days weren't funny at all, I tell you!

@ Doll - Lucky you! The experience wasn't a pleasant one at all.

@ Rita - Thank you for checking on me o jare. I was just being lazy.

@OM - My dear the rep bad no be small! Somehow sha they weren't too hard on me 'cos several other JSS 1 girls had their own share of the 'pissing experience'.

Enkay said...

@ TG with the RH - lol! I see i'm not alone!

@ HYAW - 'members of the ministry of togology'? That's some tag!

@ Sunnyside - If we had to compare both, I'd say 'sleepy-sleepy' wasn't so bad! lol!

@ Sassy Trends - Alright! Coming up soon!

@ Gee - hahaha! And you thought you were being smart!

@ SDS - Yes oh! I'm fine, thanks for asking.

@ Geebee - You serious? Mehn if I had that condition through 6 years of school, I'm sure i wouldn't be laughing about it now.

@ GNG - It's okay dearie, feel free to laugh! lol!

Elusive said...

definitely cant wait for the update, LWKMD

Gochi said...

I want to know how you fixed that issue, can't wait for the update.

LG said...

lollll no be small sumn o, as 4 me i sure say i no piss for bed at all, go ask my mama :)

*nk ahu odigi'mma

Omotee! said...

first time here, u sure do know how to tell a good story.

waiting for part 2 of pissy pissy!

Enkay said...

@ Elusive - Thanks for stopping by! Conclusion coming up shortly.

@ Gochi - The 'fixing' of the issue was more of a natural occurrence than any special therapy o! You'll see sha.

@ LG - Give me your mama number make I call am. Thanks for asking. I dey o!

@ Omotee - Thanks for the compliment and for stopping by too!

Rose said...

Firstly, your background is indeed fabulous. I came here immediately you posted but couldn't comment. Glad it's fixed now. :-)

Ahh.. The pissy-pissy days..There was this period when I was much younger, my elder sister and I shared a bed. Yes, she would do the evil deed and come to my side to lay her head. I would shift for her unknowingly and by morning, my night clothes would be wet! and I would be smelling like ammonia. :-(

No one would beleive me when I say it wasn't me. Afterall, there was evidence! My Mother would threaten to tell all my friends at school..

Until one day...

Fluffycutething said...

We plenty for this pissy-pissy matter oh!!!!

kai you brought back some of my "pissy pissy" memories too!!!

P.S-Did you have any seniors who used to pee in your school?

akaBagucci said...

ah.. fixed the commenting problem then.. coundn't comment the first time i tried.... this was veeeery hilarious.... brought back a lot of memories...

Invisible said...

Reminds me of my boarding school days. Those random slaps trained me real fast.
Thanks for stopping by.

Tisha said...

hey
i used to pee a lot
it never really went away

i had several incidents at home till i was 12 or so...

i had one incident in boarding house and one in college

grown up now, i think i can remember why i don't drink much water, it makes my stool hard but at least i know i won't pee

lol
your story was really interesting, to think it was all about pee. A young woman's struggle's to overcome bladder challenges
i have been there

looking forward to hear how you stopped yours...

Tisha said...

hey
i used to pee a lot
it never really went away

i had several incidents at home till i was 12 or so...

i had one incident in boarding house and one in college

grown up now, i think i can remember why i don't drink much water, it makes my stool hard but at least i know i won't pee

lol
your story was really interesting, to think it was all about pee. A young woman's struggle's to overcome bladder challenges
i have been there

looking forward to hear how you stopped yours...

histreasure said...

ok..something is amiss. i totally commented here this morning..ah, this people **bad connection, more like** don do me strong thing, thankfully i hadn't closed the window.

So basically, i said i'm so glad you found me so i could find you. your blog's awesome and the layout's fab.

i had quite a laugh reading the story tho i'm sure it wasn't in the least funny then..eager to read the conclusion.

and don't be gone for so long no more.

aloted said...

This post for me is sad :( but thanks for sharing..cant imagine how embarrassing it was for you.

look forward to reading how u overcame

Enkay said...

@ Rose -Well Thanks gal! 99 days for the thief and 1 day for the owner huh?! lol!

@ Fluffy - You too? lol! There were a few bedwetting seniors but they were so discreet that hardly anyone notice.

@ Bagucci - Pele O! Some kinks in the commenting settings needed straightening out. yeah, we can all laugh about it now.

@ invisible - mehn! Those slaps helped me a lot too!

@ Tisha - My dear me too O! Drinking water is also still a chore for me.

@ Histreasure - Pele. Sometimes the network can even swallow a whole post! Thanks for the compliment. I shall conclude shortly.

@ Aloted - Trust me dearie, you can laugh at this story 'cos I'm telling it in hindsight.
It was embarrassing then but I lived to tell the tale!

sonofphilip said...

boarding house and memories,

so how did Enkay overcome the problem?

Afronuts said...

I couldnt help feeling for you in this story. You poor thing.
almost made me shed a tear...

Its actually a funny post but when it got to the rain soaking your matress, it got tearful.

How did u sleep then?

Dr. Otefe said...

as much as I really feel sorry for you my real condolence goes out to senior Kanayo we all seem to be forgetting her here!?"@!
lovely piece Enkay...I enjoyed it and being a psychiatrist it as inspired an article Sorry I wasn't a shrink then I may have helped.

Myne Whitman said...

Hey just saw this. I like how your mum handled this and how you described the boarding school. I'll look forward to the conclusion of your story.

BSNC said...

lol this is soo funny and sad at the same time. eya poor you

sunnyside said...

Just checking on you. Takia

LASGIDI/ NY said...

That was very very funny and brave of you.

Same thing happened with my little cousin. I thot at one point my mum was gonna loose it. But she is a tight chic now.

tommeh said...

1st time here. 9ice blog.
I await the end.

Enkay said...

@sonofphilip -Hey! Thanks for stopping by. My phather's second name was philip too!

@ Afronuts - mehn, I didn't catch much slep that night but it was good cos it started the healing process....

@ Dr. otefe - lol! Snr Kanayo had her rightful share of 'water baptism' !

Myne - Yes o! Coming up shortly!

BSNC - madam! You don dey MIA small o. How far?

Sunnyside - thanks! Be back soon.

Lasgidi/NY - Yes o! The young shall definitely grow! thanks for stopping by!

Tommeh - Thanks! Going to check out yours right away!

Writefreak said...

Awwww...i was pissy pissy for quite a while too but thankfully i didn't go to a boarding school..
Pls let's know how you overcame it soon...
How're you doing dear?

Lady A said...

Oh wow! How embarassing but what I like is that you kept your cool. U didn't cry or break down. I can't believe no one offered to make a mat for you or give extra blankets or something for you to lay down on. They really let you stand up to sleep. WOW, no heart. I would have let you sleep with me, BUT, lol we would have put like 5 towels under you so I won't be swimming, lol. Pls hurry and update. Who is the baby girl? She's a doll. Like your new look on here.

Still loving my fav story....Shoe Story!!

janedoe83 said...

OMG,Enkay u've done it again,I laughed so hard my neighbors thought I was crying,haven't laughed this long since the post about your sexy grey trainers,lol!

Original Mgbeke said...

Enkay, it don tey for you to update this pissy pissy story nauu.

Adaeze said...

awww dearie!
Again I am so amazed by your strength and positivity. I aspire to have your mentality one day.
It must have been very difficult for you. Stop keeping us in suspense and update pretty please?
Thanks for sharing. This might help someone who needs it right now, you never know. Well done sweetie.

Bibi said...

i used to wet the bed too but it wasn't for that long. i think i just started dreaming of the toilet and i would wake up or something like that. but if you had grown up in the household i did, you would have overcome it quick quick. with 8 brothers and 4 sisters? trust me, you would. lol

Charity Otojare said...

Enkay! this was lovely and it cracked it me uo. I haven't finished readingm but I'll get back to it. I love the way you write, you're simply born to be a writer. You have something special, I really don't like reading articles online, esp when it is long,but for some reason,with your stories I can't stop reading, infact it makes me want to read more, and more. Someday I hope I'll be able to write as clear and as intresting as you do. I'll give you a 10 on this. It was worth everytime I spent reading it.

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