Pissy-Pissy! (II)

Night had never seemed so long to me. I watched from the edge of my empty bunk as one by one everyone snuggled under their blankets, getting comfortable in preparation for the 7 to 8 hours of sleep they were going to get.

Sleep! Oh, precious sleep! My feet were beginning to hurt from standing so long so I stooped to my haunches. Some seniors at the far end of the room were talking and chuckling intermittently in hushed tones. That was about the only sound that could be heard in the apartment, that is, of course with the exception of the occasional snore or creak of a bunk under the weight of someone shifting into a more comfortable position.

Tired of stooping, I gradually lowered my butt to the floor and stretched out my legs in front of me. It must have been mid-night, everywhere was quiet. I wasn't sure why but I just couldn't get myself to fall asleep. I don't remember what I did to fill in the time but one thing I do remember clearly is that I wasn't the least bit afraid.

I listened to the sounds of the night outside silently amazed at how loudly the crickets seemed to be chirping. Some toads were croaking off in the distance and I imagined that they were all part of a large toad-y choir all lined up in front of a nice looking toad who was the choir master expertly coordinating their croaky singing. At a point, the loud croaking would cease abruptly for all of two minutes and then suddenly as though in response to the choir master's signal, some tiny insignificant toad would cue everyone in again by making a lone loud croak. The chorus starts all over again.
I wondered briefly what it must feel like to be a toad and sing in the choir but that thought was promptly squelched when it occurred to me that being a toad would mean that I would be outside in some stale pond shivering to death!

And then I felt it. That urgency you feel in the region of your groin that indicates that you've been holding on to your pee a long time. But I hadn't been holding in pee. I felt the urge to pee and already I felt really pressed? The urine was threatening to spill out of my bladder unaided so I pressed my outstretched legs together. I looked at the door then down at the region of my errant bladder and back at the door trying to mentally calculate how many seconds it would take me to dash to the door, throw the latch open and fly to the bathroom to pee.

I barely made it outside before the flood gates were thrown open. Trying to get to the bathroom would be a waste of effort, the pee was coming and it won't be stopped. I simply jumped onto the front lawn all the while struggling to tug down my panties. I bent down and let go. Peeing never felt so relieving. Ha! With my panties still hanging within the region of my knees,I resisted the strong urge to let out a loud "woo-hoo!". Instead, I placed my hands on my waist and threw my head back. With my eyes looking straight up into the star-filled skies and my lips broadened in a wide smile, I whispered a heart-felt "Thank You!". I pulled my panties back on and pranced happily back into the room.

I felt truly accomplished as I discovered for the first time the mechanics behind my peeing in bed at night. I had no doubt that had I been sleeping at the time I felt 'pressed' to pee, I'd have done it in bed without even making an effort! Somehow, I felt that the reason for staying awake that night had been accomplished. Of course I still didn't have a mattress but I suddenly knew what to do. It was the best option under the circumstance. I took my blanket and folded it two to give it some extra thickness and laid it on the floor. I laid on it bedsheet after bedsheet all folded in like manner and it wasn't long before i had me a make-shift mattress, a slim one though it was. Curled up in my favorite sleep position, I pulled my cover-cloth over my head and promptly fell asleep. I woke up early just before the wake-up call. I didn't want anyone to catch me on the floor with my make-shift mattress. Surprisingly, I felt as refreshed as though I had had a full 8-hour sleep instead of just 4. And the best part? My bedding was dry!

That was how my new sleep routine began. I stayed up till very late and ensured that I pee-d my 'midnight' pee. Then I went about setting up my make-shift mattress, going to sleep and getting up early. My results were consistent. Not once did I slip. Until the night I got caught.

Seyi was in form two. We didn't really talk much to each other except for the occasional "good-morning" which I mumbled to her whenever our paths crossed in the apartment as we all hurriedly tried to get dressed and get to our morning duty posts. Form one students didn't really owe form two students any ounce of respect because in truth, we were all in the same category of 'junior girl'. I didn't see any harm in showing a little bit of respect to Seyi anyway, besides, I greeted almost every one by default. Mommy taught me well!

There I was, enjoying my sweet solitude, sitting on the floor by my empty bunk, legs outstretched as usual waiting for the pressing urge to pee when suddenly my eyes were drawn to the the bunk diagonally opposite mine and there was Seyi peering down at me wide eyed from the top of her bunk.
For the first time since I started my new sleep routine I was startled and I could feel fear creeping up my spine. I held Seyi's eyes willing her to go back to sleep. For the first time too, I felt rather odd and ashamed. Like I was doing something really wrong, even diabolical. Seyi held my gaze and then I tilted my head at her questioningly. That was when she sat up on her bed and with an incredulous look on her face she whispered rather loudly "What are you doing there?"
I put my forefinger against my lips and shushed her as quietly as I could "Ssshhhh!".
She took surreptitious glances at both ends of the room as though to assure herself that no one had been disturbed and then she proceeded to come down from her bunk.
I waved both arms frantically at her "No, no, no no!"
She paused, looked at me and whispered , loudly still, "Tell me what you are doing on the floor!" The girl obviously lacked proper whispering skills.
She was surely going to get us both into trouble. I quickly pushed myself up, off the ground and in three long strides, I was by her bunk.

"You know I no longer have a mattress abi?" I began by way of explanation.
I quickly filled her in on my ordeal the past few weeks where I've had to sleep on the floor and the fear of embarrassment being the reason I had to wait until everyone was asleep before laying my 'bed'. By the time I was through, the look on her face said "You poor thing!".
Seyi turned to go back to sleep and I was satisfied, at least she would leave me alone now.
I made to return to my place when I felt her hand on my shoulder. She patted the space beside her and said, "You can share my bed Enkay".
There was an earnest look in her face and I knew she wasn't just pitying me. I was really touched by her kindness so I accepted.

The bed was so soft and warm that I fell asleep immediately. By morning I was alarmed at the wetness I felt on my night clothes. "Oh no!"
Seyi was no longer beside me. I knew I was done for. I'd taken the girl's kindness and peed all over it. I felt so bad!
Then the strangest thing happened. I took off my soiled night clothes but found that my panties were not wet. How was that possible? I was pondering on the mystery when I heard someone whisper my name. I turned and there was Seyi.
"Enkay, I'm really sorry about last night" she pleaded.
I was still trying to make head and tail of her statement when she raised her hands in which she held the night clothes she'd just changed out of.

It turned out that Seyi had wet her bed the night before! By the time that morning was over, Seyi and I had become fast friends. We were both pissy-pissies!
She wasn't half as chronic a bed-wetter as I was but she was one all the same. It was only then I explained to her exactly what I was doing on the floor the night and my newest discovery for preventing nightly episodes.
She was excited! We both tried it out and it worked!

She didn't have to follow a strict regimen like me because Seyi wet her bed only about once in 2 or 3 weeks but she was kind enough to keep me company.
By the end of my third term in JS1, I had become a brand new Enkay! I had a brand new mattress and not once did I wet my bed again. Amazingly, I no longer needed to stay awake at night. Even in the deepest part of my sleep, whenever I felt the urge,I simply got up and went to the bathroom. I was sure it was a miracle!

Needless to say, the name Pissy-Pissy no longer applied to me. Everyone just called me Enkay!

Pissy-Pissy!

Did you read the title right?

Yeah you did. It says "pissy-pissy!". At one point in my life, that was my nick name.

For the few of you who have no idea what pissy-pissy means, that's what you call a chronic bed-wetter.

There was nothing my parents didn't do to deal with this "issue" of their daughter's.

At one time, they said, no drinking of water after 6pm. They were strict about it and if I so much as looked at a glass longingly, I was in trouble.
It didn't work.

At another time, my mom made herself my personal 'peeing-guard'. She'd come to my room and wake me up at least 3 times every night.

It worked a bit but by the third day, I'd have already wet the bed before she got there to take me to the bathroom. And I'd be standing there all drenched in my own urine while my mom dutifully took off my soiled night clothes and changed them. She'd then change the soiled beddings to clean dry ones. Chances are that by morning I'd have soiled those too! Till date, I'm amazed at her patience!

The next thing was my aunties' threatening to go traaditional with me. They told me that back in the village, little boys and girls who wet their beds at
night had snakes and lizards tied around their waists. They swore that it worked wonders and that those children never again wet their beds. I took them seriously and out of fear, I think I actually did not wet the bed for at least a week at a stretch!

But that was as long as it lasted.

Finally, after being "pissy-pissy" for the first 7 years of my life, my parents took me to see a doctor.They were convinced I had a weak bladder. Yet the test results came in and pronounced my 'equipment' in perfect working condition. They put it down to psychological issues.
They asked me all sorts of questions -

Do you always dream that you're pissing in your dream? No.
Do you always feel pressed while you're asleep? No.
All my answers didn't bring them any closer to solving my bed-wetting puzzle. The truth is that I'm not even aware of pissing in bed until I wake up and find my clothes wet. The doctor decided to study my 'pissing'patterns. My parents were to fill in a chart of what I ate each day and to state whether or not I wet the bed each night. I still don't know what became of that study.
Needless to say, I remained pissy-pissy till I was eleven.

While I was busy being excited at the prospect of traveling more than 700km to start boarding school somewhere in the northern part of Nigeria, my mother was worrying herself sick about my 'pissing' issues.
My parents went on a shopping spree and bought us all kinds of stuff to go to school with (my sister and I were admitted the same year into different schools), needless to say that half of the stuff were termed 'contraband' at the school gate and taken away for 'safe-keeping'. But that story is for another day.

The night before I was to leave, my mother pulled me aside and explained to me the exact manner in which I was to make my bed in order to minimize bladder 'accidents'. She'd packed into my box this linoleum spread that we generally referred to as 'mackintosh' way back then.
The way she looked at me with a plea in her eyes almost made me feel sorry for myself. And maybe I did, for about five seconds or so.
I threw my arms around her neck and gave her a huge hug, assuring her that she had nothing to worry about. And I had reason to feel somewhat confident. The frequency of my peeing had gone from three times each night to once every night to once every other night. If you were in my shoes, you'd see that as enough reason to be quite smug.

That trip was one of my most memorable trips. For the first time, I caught a glimpse of just how large and beautiful this great country was. My entire young life up until that point had been confined to the streets and avenues of FESTAC town and a few other parts of Lagos. All the other states of Nigeria were mere pictures of lines and dots on a map.

I arrived the school in that awestruck mood, ready for whatever my new life held in store for me. In a few hours after arriving, I was shown my bed space and locker. I had never had the 'luxury' of sleeping on a metal bunk and I felt quite accomplished after several failed
attempts at climbing onto the top bunk finally yielded success. It was a spectacle to behold. Every conceivable part of my body was involved in the climbing exercise - arms, feet, chin, chest, abdomen...I'm sure you get the picture. As they say, practice makes perfect. By the time it was nightfall, I'd mastered the climbing art quite some. And I fell asleep with a smile on my face. It was my first night in boarding school.

I wish I could explain to you the shock with which I landed on the floor from that height. All my 'de-bunking' skills promptly forgotten, I must have flown off the bed. I was confused. Several voices were barking at me all at the same time and hands were pulling me here and there. I couldn't for the life of me fathom where I was. And all these faces....I panicked! My first thought was to find the nearest exit out of the place or better still, wake up from this really bad dream. And then suddenly, it hit me! Oh! This was school! It all started coming back to me slowly....moving my stuff into the room; placing my toiletories and provisions in my locker; making my bed; practicing climbing onto and climbing down from my top bunk... Twai! A slap across my face hastened the recollection process. I held my left cheek in my left hand and locked eyes with senior Kanayo. Suddenly, I knew exactly what had happened.

I had wet the bed and it had dripped all over her from my bed to hers on the bottom bunk. In all my excitement, I had forgotten to spread the mackintosh beneath my bedsheets.

Several seniors had gathered to commiserate with senior Kanayo and after some deliberation, they all decided that I was to be pardoned seeing as I was a new student and they 'understood' that sleeping in a strange bed could do 'strange' things to anyone.
After several weeks however, it became clear that my pissing in bed wasn't so strange after all as it had become a nightly event. Even though I never again rained piss on senior Kanayo, the stench of fermented adult piss that emanated from my bed could not be mistaken. The name "pissy-pissy" was becoming synonymous with the name Enkay.

By the time we were half way through the first term, my mackintosh was in tatters from being spread in the sun hours on end. My regular bedsheets were gradually becoming thread bare from being washed every other day and my mattress was slowly becoming non-existent. Let me explain that part about becoming non-existent.

My smelly mattress was not allowed to stay in the room - for obvious reasons of course. Every morning, before I left for class, I had to spread it on the front lawn. I was only allowed to bring it in after supper, just before bed time. One of those days, while I struggled to take my mattress into the room, it got caught in shards of glass from broken louvers in a window. That was the first of several tears that had my mattress-cover ripped to shreds exposing only the foam underneath.

It wasn't really a problem at first until I returned to the hostel one day to find a fist-sized chunk of my mattress missing. A fist-sized chunk didn't matter especially when it was at the bottom but it started to matter when the missing chunks increased in size and frequency.
You see, the floors of the apartments in the hostels had to be mopped every morning and the 'mops' were usually chunks of foam and guess where those foams came from? Unsuspecting exposed mattresses such as mine!

Soon, my mattress became the 'mop' target. Every single day, a piece went away to become a mop and my mattress steadily dwindled. By mid-term, the length of my mattress was just a little longer than an average pillow. It no longer qualified to be called a mattress.

One day, just before I left for class I took out my 'mattress', dropped it on the front lawn and silently said good bye to it. It was as though I knew I would never see it again 'cos that afternoon, it rained and my mattress was flooded. There was no hope of recovery.
When night fell, I stood by my empty bunk and watched as everyone snuggled under their blankets and settled in for the night. I was probably going to stand all night.

I had to overcome my 'pissing' problem. You'll see how in my next post!

SHOE STORY

To tell the truth, it wasn’t such a bad idea.

Everyone knows that Fridays are dress-down days. You’re allowed to showcase a milder version of your traditional outfits. Ankara, Tie and Dye, Dry Lace, Java, Woodin, Akosombo…the list is endless. I already knew what I was going to wear the next day – my cute, yet-to-be-worn Java Gold skirt and blouse. It was stylish yet not too dressy at the same time.

I am one of those who pick out all the clothes to be worn for the week every Sunday evening. I have it all set out to the littlest detail. When they’ve been ironed, they’d be hung in the wardrobe in the exact order in which they are to be worn. It made life easier and a lot less complicated. Besides, seeing as I hate ironing so much, it made sense to restrict ironing to one day each week.

You can therefore imagine the extent to which my eyebrows were arched when my friend and colleague Zeb suggested that we dressed differently for the next day, Friday. Instead of the usual traditional look, why don’t we dress in sporty outfits? T-shirt, jeans and a pair of trainers.
“Let’s do something different for a change!” He exclaimed when he saw the disapproving look on my face.
“Okay” He continued, “do this for me just once and if you don’t like it, I swear, I’ll never suggest anything like this again”.
I sighed and walked past him and then with a backward glance I told him to give me till the end of the day. He’d know my answer then and not a second before.

At least that kept him off my back for the rest of the day. Zeb was such a nice guy that it’s really difficult to turn him down. It’s not that he was incapable of doing his own thing; he just felt that life was a lot better when shared. Why enjoy the ‘different’ look alone when we could both do it together? Yeah right.

The thing though on my mind was the fact that I didn’t have any respectable pair of trainers to my name. That was going to be my strongest point when I turned Zeb down at the close of work…What? Do you want me to come to work tomorrow in a pair of trainers that look like they’ve seen better days...?
That argument remained intact in my mind until it was 15minutes to closing time. I don’t know what triggered that memory. I don’t know what brought it forward from my subconscious but suddenly, I was bubbling with excitement. My Sexy Grey Trainers! But of course!!
I couldn’t wait to get home. It’d been so long since I saw them trainers that I was nearly afraid someone had thrown them away. It had to be under the bed somewhere, it just had to be!
My answer to Zeb was brief and clear. I’ll go along with this little scheme of yours if and only IF I find MSGT. I don’t care if you know what that stands for, just pray I find them!

Less than an hour after I got home, the entire room which I shared with two other sisters of mine was in complete disarray. The mattresses had come off and I was struggling with the wooden bottom frames of the bed which supported the mattresses. Shoes were strewn everywhere, most of them old and covered in dust. My Sexy trainers had to be here somewhere! I was beginning to panic.
It was another thirty minutes before I found them wrapped in a fancy colored polythene bag. Aha! I remembered that bag. And the shoes were in pristine condition just like they were when I’d wrapped them up 2 years before, or so I thought. My Sexy Grey Trainers at last!

They were my companion when I’d gone to Camp 2 years before. Someone had advised that I went with a pair of personal trainers because sometimes the white canvas given to corpers by the NYSC was usually oversize. True to form, when I got to camp, mine were like a pair of canoes on my feet. My trainers served me well. After camp I found not much use for them so I wrapped them up the bag, placed them under my bed and promptly forgot about them. Now they were going to serve me well again tomorrow when I and Zeb showed up at work dressed ‘differently’.

Friday dawned bright and clear. I kept walking to and fro Zeb’s cubicle all morning. I couldn’t believe he was late! Like a little girl, I wanted to show off my ‘dress’ and tell him how many approving looks I’d already received from the other guys just that morning alone.

Finally I could hear his voice several cubicles from my own. I wasn’t going to wait for him to get to mine; I was going to meet him there.
I got up a little too quickly and dropped my pen. I bent to pick it up and that’s when I noticed for the first time dark circles of grey dust on the tiled floor. I bent lower to get a closer look. Did I pick something up on my way to work? No time for this now. I’ll sort it out later. Zeb was already on his way to my desk and I wanted to be ready, striking the right pose when he got there. And I did just in time! He even made me do the twirl as though I was showing off a ball gown instead of a pair of Jeans and a T-shirt. It was clear he liked what he saw.

He didn’t look bad himself and I told him so.
“I see you found MSGT?” He said.
“Yes! How did you know what it was?!”
“I don’t. You said you’ll go along with my scheme only if you found it”
“Oh” I had on a sheepish grin as I raised my right foot while supporting myself against my desk “These are MSGT – My Sexy Grey Trainers!” I was laughing now.
He just shook his head at me and was turning to leave when his eyes caught something on the floor next to my feet. I knew at once by the look on his face that he wasn’t trying to get an up-close view of my trainers.
I looked down and to my horror there was more of the grey dust smeared all over the area where I’d done the twirl. From his bending position Zeb looked up at me.
“Raise your feet again” he said.
I did and he caught hold of my left foot and bent it in such a way as to get a view of the soles of my trainers.
“What?!” I exclaimed questioningly as he shook his head at me.
I withdrew my foot from his hand and grabbed a hold of my shin so that I could raise my foot backwards and view it for myself.
My eyes widened as I saw that there were several holes on the soles of the trainers from where the grey dust flaked off.
I raised the other foot and it was even worse. Some of the holes in this one had no more grey dust in them, they were empty. Empty holes!
I quietly sat back down on my chair. The mirth of the last few minutes already forgotten.

This was not good. Not good at all.
Zeb knew enough to just leave me alone. I was sure I could make it to the end of the day without incident if I just sat at my desk.
But I couldn’t very well just sit at my desk all day. I had to get lunch.
Okay, if I walked gently and slowly, the holes should hold.
Zeb was being nice but I was suspicious. We were half way to the cafeteria and I’d been doing so well with my slow walk when suddenly “Plaat!” The sole at the tip of my right trainer split open!

“Ohmygod! Ohmygod! Zeb!” I yelped.

He stopped short and I stood still, pointing at my right foot. And you won’t believe what happened next.
Zeb burst out laughing!
He was laughing so hard that there were tears in his eyes when he finally got a hold of himself.

“Enkay, I’m sorry....
hahahaha!.....I’m sorry, I’m not laughing at you…hahahaha!...I swear, I’m just laughing at the trainers….I swear…hahaha!.”

Msheeeeew! I just turned around and went back to my office. I’d reached my desk before I realized that I’d left quite a chunk of my right trainer sole in the elevator.
And suddenly it all seemed really hilarious to me and I started laughing all by myself.
My trainers were serving well me indeed! So much for my ‘different’ look.

The worst was yet to come.

On our way home, Zeb and I had to walk down the road to the bus stop to catch the bus.
Every few steps had me leaving small chunks of my trainers behind.
Whenever the bit came off, I’d say “Oops! There goes another sexy piece!” And we’d both burst out laughing.
By the time we boarded the bus, the right shoe was in tatters. Several chunks were missing from the center but the overall external frame was still somewhat intact and then there was that ugly split in front. A whole chic like me! “Ewu!”

We were just a few passengers left in the bus. Zeb and I occupied the seat at the back with one other woman. Somehow I caught the lady’s eyes on me and smiled at her. She was probably embarrassed at being caught staring so she dipped her head and that’s when she did THE double take. (You know how someone glances at something momentarily and in looking away, something catches their eyes and they take another, quick, usually more surprised look? That’s a double take.)
She was looking at my trainers!
I followed her gaze and there on the floor was one whole edge of my right trainer sole. It was still attached to the shoe but it was hanging at an impossible angle and any movement would yank it off!
The lady couldn’t contain herself and she looked like she was about to say something. I didn’t give her a chance as I straightened up and looked straight ahead as though nothing happened.
Ha! My bus-stop at last! I hurriedly got off the bus and I could have sworn that the woman was going to throw my chunk of sole out after me.

The bus-stop was a good five minute’s walk from my house. I braced my self and took the plunge. Yet nothing prepared me for what happened next.

Most of the day, all the ‘incidents’ were with the right foot of my trainers. The left one had behaved itself mostly. Apart from the initial flaking, there had been no major mishap.
Just as I passed by Dee Sam’s shop hoping he wasn’t there to shout out his customary greeting “You don return from work?” my left shoe gave out on me.
The entire sole came off! No, not tiny chunks, but the entire thing! And this happened right in front of Dee Sam. He had seen me approach and was undoubtedly preparing his greeting but it froze on his lips as he saw my shoe drama. It was an awkward moment.
We were both sure we knew what had just happened but neither of us was willing to acknowledge it.

He smiled at me “You don return from work?”
And I smiled back “Yes. How Business today…?” and I walked on, leaving my soles behind. It definitely could not get any worse than that. I practically jogged the rest of the way home and stood at the door waiting for any sibling to come see me in all my embarrassment.
The first one at the door opened it and stared at me wondering why I was standing outside. I looked down at my feet and she followed my gaze. It took her a few seconds to realize what she was seeing and she burst out laughing. I joined her and laughed so hard that tears came to my eyes.

We left the trainers at the door ready to give the story in detail to anyone who asked. My Sexy Grey Trainers….How are the mighty fallen! Hahahaha!

PS: The moral of this story?
When next anyone called Zeb asks you to dress differently for Friday. Tell him Capital N-O. No!!!